So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
