I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
