when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
