im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
