aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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