I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
