from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
