Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
