): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
