I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
