How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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