oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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