I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
