I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
