So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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