thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Farmville is her only friend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
