I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize