i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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