did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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