plz talk dirty to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
