i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
