I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
