Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
