The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
