Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
