I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
