Whod you bang
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize