i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it because I queefed?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
