My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
