FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
