i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize