I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
