Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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