FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
