i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
