last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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