Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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