I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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