this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
