I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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