Porn is love you can see.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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