not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
