piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
