there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
