i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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