If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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