so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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