Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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