it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
