I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
