The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
