btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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