We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
