i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
