Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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