Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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