He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
