After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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