how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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