Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize