And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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