Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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