I CAN MOONWALK!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
