Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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