hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
