you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
