ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
