At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
