So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
